The Courage to Be Seen: Why Vulnerability Is the Key to Real Love
No vulnerability, no connection. No connection, no love.
TL;DR:We can’t selectively avoid pain without also avoiding joy. If we reject vulnerability, we close ourselves off from the very things that make life worth living.
Hi Everyone,
Kelli and I got married on June 29, 2025. When Kelli came into my life 3 years ago, she was the answer to my desire to be seen, known, and loved with a deep intensity. The vulnerability needed to create this deep connection was challenging for us both. We both have C-PTSD from adverse childhoods. But we met those challenges and chose to grow as individuals and as a couple. And here we are!
Today, I’d like to share with you the importance of being vulnerable as a lived practice for building and maintaining deeply meaningful relationships.
If you've ever felt alone while surrounded by people, or wondered why your relationships feel "almost" but not quite fulfilling, you're not alone. One of the most common reasons? Lack of vulnerability.
Vulnerability is more than emotional openness — it’s a willingness to be seen, flaws and all. And it’s the gateway to trust, intimacy, and real love.
Here’s why it matters:
1. Love Requires Being SeenTo be truly loved, not just admired or tolerated, we must let others see who we really are. Vulnerability is how we show up without masks — and invite others to love the real us.
2. Vulnerability Builds TrustEvery time someone shares their uncertainty, fear, or joy — and we meet it with care — trust is built. Vulnerability gives others a chance to earn our trust and deepen our bond.
3. Connection Requires RiskLove always involves risk. There are no guarantees. Vulnerability is saying: “Here I am — will you meet me?” That leap of faith is what gives love its power.
4. Without Vulnerability, We Stay IsolatedWe can build emotional walls to protect ourselves, but they also keep people out. Vulnerability is what opens the door back to belonging.
5. Vulnerability Is an Act of CourageIn a world that often equates control with strength, vulnerability is rebellious. It says, “I’m willing to be hurt, because real love is worth it.”
💬 No vulnerability, no real connection. No connection, no real love.
May we all be brave enough to be seen — and loved.
In Joy and Connection,
Sander T. Jones, LCSW